Yes, I am..No,I am not..

I am 30 years old..officially moved to 3 something bucket..

Sometimes I feel old, sometimes I feel young..I guess everybody feels the same way..

Being in US, 30 feels like nothing..thats one good thing..

Yeah yeah, I can hear you say “its all in the heart..if your heart feels young so and so”..

But this is not about getting old..This is about having a baby..

People say “just have a kid..u will get used to it”..But I don’t feel ready at all..Sometimes when I see a baby in the TV or somewhere, I feel like I want to have a baby, I want to feel the softness of my baby..i want to hold him/her..I want to say “whats wrong darling?” when I see tears in my baby’s eyes..

Wise (Wo)men say, “you will never feel absolutely ready, u just got to do it”..

But I cant undo it..I can think of thousand reasons for not having a baby..but I can think of few reasons to have a baby too..

Being responsible for a kid, I don’t know..I am not an irresponsible one..

I am pretty responsible..But being responsible for adults is way different from being responsible for a kid..

Reasons, Reasons..”I have just joined this project, I cant possibly have a baby now”, “How I am going to manage work and a kid” goes on..

I get up one and half hours before I start to office..i take my time to get ready..lazily roll around in bed, get up and sit in bed for sometime..brush my teeth for 15 minutes just thinking lazy thoughts, stand in hot shower and sing my favorite songs..and dress up and go to office..what will I do, if I have a baby in my house..

Everybody says “u will forget all your comforts when you have a baby..its an absolutely amazing thing..”..thats what every young mom  says..now, is that true?

I cant resign from work and sit at home..Yes, there is no need to rush to office, if I quit..But what will I do with an infant all the time..i have to go and meet some adults..i have to feel fresh..If I sit at home, I think I’ll get cranky..anyway, leaving the job for now is out of question..circumstances, you know..there is never a good time to leave the job and sit at home..

K, say Parents are coming here to help..the first six months or so..k, u don’t have to worry about taking care of the baby..but still u need to wake up in the nights to feed the baby and stuff..how I am going to manage to work during daytime, if I am up all night..

If I don’t get eight hours sleep, I get cranky..do I have to lose all that luxury?

What if after Parents leave? Get up, get ready and get the baby ready, drop the baby in daycare, go to office, run in the evening to get the baby, go home, take care of the baby and login from home and finish the remaining work and sleep..omg, thinking about it itself is exhausting..

Ok, maybe after few years the kid will grow up and go to school..but still ur work continues..the way our culture works, looks like for some 25 years I have to do this double job..professional work and baby raising..

Jeez..But then wise (Wo)men say “what else u want to do with your life..just go earn, eat and die?”

So, should I think “this is life..u got to go through it..”

Well, all my questions will be answered only When I have a baby..all these elders advise, or books or any media, nothing can help..The confusion continues..

I can hear some people say “Well, You are just plain lazy..just move your fat bum and start multitasking..”..well, that’s one way to see.. Whatever..