‘Are you kidding me?’..He raised his voice and his eyes are full of disbelief and disapproval..

Sneha sighed..“all I am saying is, I just wanna talk..just let it out and see..dont come to any conclusion..please be calm and listen to me” she whispered..

He sat on the Couch and took a deep breath and continued “I cant believe that you are even considering it”..

“Vino, Please..I am already feeling guilty that I prefer another country over mine..dont make it even more difficult..u know how I am..change always bothers me..but I’ll settle down slowly..and this is a big change and I don’t think I am ready to take the plunge”

“But its our plan all along”

“Its your plan all along..I have been always hesitant..and don’t tell me that just because  I said something ten years back, I should do that now whatever is the case”

“But Its been my plan always..and I worked always towards it..Do you want me to change my plans and waste all my work just because you feel that you are not ready to take the plunge..am I really hearing this?..whatever we are going to talk, we are going to go back..thats final..I am not going to settle down in a firange country when I worked all my life to go back and start my dream business in my Country..do you understand me?”

“don’t take this tone with me Vino..I never want to force you to stay here for me..i want you to do whatever you want to do..and I know how hard you worked to save money..i have been there too, remember?..But I don’t know what I want..I am very content and comfortable with my current life and I don’t want to leave it..thats all I am saying..its my life too you know..i support you.. but if I don’t share your passion, that’s totally alright”

“so, what you are suggesting now?” he asked sarcastically.

“I don’t know”

“u don’t know? You drop this bomb on my head and you don’t know?”

“We just have to talk and figure it out..its been always like there is some more time..but now its so close and its suffocating me..your decisions are not helping me either..if you have plans to go to some big city, atleast I will have some outlet for my passions..But you have been always want to go back to your hometown and do business..what will I do in such a small city? You just went ahead and planned and planned..you just chose to be ignorant of my problems in going back to your hometown..now, I have to take  a decision..its now or never..if we go back, you will go ahead and start your business and then it will be too late..”

“tell me onething..i am saying that I’ll go back and you are saying that we have to talk..what do you have in mind Sneha..dont tell me that you will even consider leaving your husband for staying in this country..”

“will you please slow down..i am just talking..dont say all these things”

“but what other way we have here..u tell me” his eyes are diluted with anger and Sneha shivered a little..Its all so confusing for her..But one thing she is so sure about..She is not ready to go back..not yet..maybe never..

But even to think that she might be ready to leave her Husband to stay here is too much for her..she just averted her from all those thoughts..Now, its either just follow him and make a life out of it..or leave him and stay here and start afresh..Thinking about itself is too scary..But howmuch ever she tried to convince her that its just jitters, she couldn’t..

She has a good job, she loves her friends..she loves her house..She loved Vino too, but it seems to dawn on her that she loves her life here with or without Vino..and it scared the hell out of her..theirs is an arranged marriage and both of them are reasonable mature adults..So even the life with him was not very passionate, they always enjoyed each other’s company..She got married very young and only the last few years they have been thinking of having a baby..She feels like as if her life has started here..She did her higher studies in US and got a Job..She married Vinod after few years..everything has been normal..Whenever Vinod talked about going back, she felt a jolt of fear and uncomfortness in her stomach..and she always expressed her fear, but she always added that she is not comfortable with changes..So they never really talked about it..She always convinced herself that when the time comes, she will know..

Now the scariest thing is, it feels like she knows that her life is here..She started as an individual when she came here and built her life..and she is so active in the community as well, she never felt like she is out of place..now going back feels like the scariest thing of all..

Vino felt comfortable here but his heart was always in India..He has a large family and he loves his family..His dream has always been going back to his home town, start businesses on his own and live close to his family..thats his ideal life..She cannot blame him..he has been always clear about his dream and he has worked towards his goals..

On the contrary, she doesn’t believe in having strong goals and working towards it..she feels like as if she is floating along with life..When she got married she was relatively new to USA and thought that going back was not a big issue..But now she feels differently but she doesn’t want to punish her for that..People change and we have to forgive ourselves, that’s her opinion..But the things is, its affecting Vinod now and if she says okay and go back for Vinod, she might never feel okay..One thing about Vinod is , he doesn’t want to alter his plans for her..But he has a valid argument that he needs his family support for his business dreams..His argument is that he has been always with this plan and he is executing it..

But Sneha doesn’t want to feel guilty..Its just her and she has a right to have her own plans too..But she thinks now that she should have atleast thought through it, when she got married..But then you cannot expect people to have long term goals/plans and strictly adhere to it..

He is sitting there with so much disbelief in his eyes, that his wife might consider leaving him for her own life..waiting for an answer..

There is no easy answer to it..She looked at him..and she doesn’t know what is going to be her decision.But she should take one or other decision..hopefully it will come to her..

She thought to herself “I am sorry Vino for putting you through this..But I don’t want to just give up my life..i need to think through this, atleast this time..Think Sneha, Think..”